Mortality Is an Everpresent Game; Living is the Choice of The Player

Life's a bitch, but still better than the alternative

Fallen leaves on a large sandstone rock, Utah.

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Well, that was quite a week.

I went from being just my good ol’ happy fun guy, to being told to get my affairs in order, because tomorrow was quite certainly uncertain.

Again.

This has happened more than once, and I am frankly tired of it. I keep coming out the other side OK, and better for it, but it makes my already white hair a tad whiter.

Twelve years ago was the first time.

My leg swelled up and turned purple. The paramedics wouldn’t look at me, and they were very somber as they took me to the ambulance.

The doctor came in after the x-rays in the emergency room and told me that if I was still with them in the morning, we would try an experimental surgery to remove a huge blood clot from my left thigh.

I can remember what he said, but the word “if” was a big part of it.

I was asked if I needed to call my attorney and get stuff ready for what may be the last chance I would ever have to talk to my attorney.

At a moment like that, I really didn’t want to talk to a lawyer.

What I really wanted wasn’t possible.

So I told the doctors that I was very busy with my stuff, didn’t have time to leave work, so I would be there in the morning and we could just get to it.

The surgery was 6.5 hours, and I was sent home after a week in bed and given a clean bill of health (other than those pills… dudes, in the US there are always pills.)

I had two pulmonary embolisms and a DVT.

And I beat it.

Life kinda changes when you’re told you were being erased by your own body, and then it becomes your buddy again.

I can’t explain it today. Hell, I couldn’t explain it then. But it changes you.

Last March, I noticed my right leg expanding.

And since this was not my first rodeo, I went to the doc, and he sent me to emergency, and they sent me to the hospital, and they confirmed it.

DVT number two.

Dangerously large.

Special IVs, and a few days in elevated worry.

Last Wednesday, I finished my Product photography class, and found myself out of breath.

Very out of breath.

My daughter decided it was time for the emergency room, and by the time I got there I could take only very shallow breaths. The pain in my chest was… well… a lot.

Off to X-rays, then a CAT scan, then a leg scan.

Three DVTs, both lungs full of clots.

Again.

Dangerous times, three IVs, and a hospital bed for five days.

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Now, I am not telling you this for sympathy, and I rarely talk about medical issues. They are boring.

Why I bring this up is curiosity.

And time.

You should have an abundance of the first because you have no idea how much of the latter you will use up.

Life is as long as it is.

No shorter, no longer.

But we have decisions to make about how we use our time.

And I am thinking hard about how to use mine as well.

Curiosity is the catalyst for adventure, for peace, for finding something… else.

I have been feeling like a new chapter is awaiting me. I don’t have a clue yet, but I feel it is out there, just hiding in the mist we call the future.

Go out and do that thing you always wanted to do.
Make the photographs you have always wanted to make.
Stop scrolling, stop being involved in futile disagreements.
The game of life runs as long as we get to enjoy it.

Enjoying it. Well, that’s entirely up to us.

I am planning my next motorcycle ride and developing ideas for another book.

I hope this didn’t bring you down but instead made you curious about doing something you have never done before.

Bungee jumping (yeah, I just added it to my list.)
Motorcycle?
Backpacking trip in Glacier?
Learn to ride a horse?
How to cook amazzzzzing food?

There are lots of things to be curious about.

Now go do it.

As for me, Immagonna be even more curious about this crazy life and making more art.

For as long as I can.

See y’all next time.

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