Why Is It So Effing Hard to Change?
Because if it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be so damn important to our lives.
If you have ever thought of starting a business or quitting that job that you hate or finally making the freelance break you have probably heard this;
“I don’t know if that's something you’re good at.”
“Most people who try that fail.”
“I had a buddy who had a girlfriend whose brother’s best friend’s mom tried opening a store like that, and she went bankrupt.”
“There’s too much competition.”
“There’s not enough work.”
“You’re not ready.”
“I just don’t want you to be disappointed when you fail.”
And the sad thing is that most of this negativity is coming from the very people closest to you. Family, close friends, buds, and BFFs who SHOULD be taking your back and encouraging you.
Interestingly, your across-the-street neighbor thinks it is a terrific idea, and the folks you talked to at the ‘new business forum’ were super supportive.
You’re getting the flak from people you would expect to support you.
What?
Unfortunately, you put a lot of credence in their words BECAUSE they are your buds and you are like them in so many ways. I mean, they MUST be right because you trust them.
And to be fair, most of them are simply trying to protect you from something they are afraid of: change.
And even more specifically, you changing.
They are, by nature, protecting what they perceive as their vested interest in you. If you change, you won’t be the person they know now, and they are really comfortable with that person.
If you fail, they will have to deal with that, and nobody wants to deal with the failure of a friend. It can be messy, with lots of tears and tequila. Never a good mix.
But if you succeed, it may be even harder for them.
You have changed your position. And that position may be new and unexpected to them. They are no longer comfortable because this new you, the successful you, may present them with questions of their own
Your success makes them realize that they could be successful too, but they are so invested in being ‘part of the group’ that they simply would rather not put in that work and possibly fail than join you in taking the leap.
Your success could be a slap in the face to their protracted and self-created status quo. They KNOW how they are supposed to be in their structure, and some may actually resent you for not staying in their proscribed compound.
“You are the average of the 5 people you hang around with most” it is said.
So if you want to change… here’s a question for you.
What makes you think that a new, possibly higher-functioning group will want to hang around with you BEFORE you change?
You were part of a group with a certain dynamic, and now you want to be a part of a group with a different and higher dynamic. Why would they want to bring someone who is a negative into their positive force group?
You must change before you start to attract the people who will want to hang around with you. You have to adopt the new you before introducing yourself to the new order of your life.
And that means you must be ready to pull away a bit and disregard negative comments and unsupportive loved ones. You MUST become even more committed to the project to see it through.
The sad news is that you may lose a few of those great friends who were so loyal for so long… at least up to the moment you changed. But the good news is that you may bring one or two of them along with you since they saw you as a catalyst to spring into their own self-driven action.
When I was in Uni, I had a job in a warehouse. It was physical, it was nights, and it demanded no intellectual capacity whatsoever. It was perfect for me, the music major. I could work all night, go to class the next morning, and write music in the afternoons.
Before you ask, no… I didn’t have much of a social life.
When it became time to leave, friends I had known for nearly ten years began to treat me differently. I was walking away from the plumb gig at the warehouse, head receiver, and leaving them there.
A few were supportive, but most were resentful and let me know that I was going to flounder, fail, crash, and burn, and I probably deserved it.
I was leaving to start my photography business in Los Angeles, and that was not the person they knew. At the time, I had no idea why they began treating me poorly.
But that was a long time ago, and now I get it.
I was changing. I was leaving the comfortable, high-paying (heh) dead-end job they knew so well and doing something that sounded cool and possibly a little dangerous. I was going where they dared not tread. I was now an outlier and in some way was betraying them.
Change is hard. I believe it is simply meant to be that way as a sort of life filter. I could have stayed there and maybe ended up a warehouse manager, or a VP in cubicle land.
Maybe even had a pension.
But there’s that word… maybe.
Being an entrepreneur is hard, owning a business is hard, being creative on a daily basis is hard. Reinventing yourself is really hard.
Leaving the comfort zone of where you have spent the majority of your time and energy is not easy. And it takes fortitude, perseverance, and guts.
If you know it is time to go, time for you to do something else and not be held back by circumstances, friends, and even family, then you know what you have to do.
If you are not happy where you are, but are content to stay there and complain about it, then it is probably wise to NOT try to change.
You would have problems with the transformation and quit before you gave it a chance.
But that’s OK.
There is most likely too much competition anyway, and I wouldn’t want you to be disappointed.
All photos are mine and are copyrighted.
I am a photographer, designer, and photo editor. More of me here.
You can find my books on Amazon, and I have taught two classes at CREATIVELIVE.
I read this at the right time of my life. Thank you.